So, a friend of mine Tim was talking on my facebook chat to another friend, Katie Dalton, who told him that Emily was on her boyfriend’s facebook account. Tim and I decided to take advantage of this. Katie later became complicit in the prank.

Me:

daniel have you told emily i have feelings for her

Emily:
this is emily
lol

Me:
oh
um
i have to go bye
ignore it! was a
joke

Emily:
i figured

Me:
kk great bye

Me:
hey just ignore what happened before please.

Emily:
hahaha
forgiven
billy, were you hacked, buddy?

Me:
no

Emily:
hehehe
so what’s the story?

Me:
nothing
i have to go im sorry
goodbye

Emily:
billy!
come back!
stop leaving dammit

Me:
Remember that time that we were in glasshouse after commencement? I asked you if you saw anything between us and when you said no (I don’t know if it was true or not) I hastily agreed…I told myself then that I would have to repress these feelings.

Emily:
um…billy…where is this coming from?
am i being punkd?

Me:
I don’t know. I’m drunk. I’m sorry. Sometimes my feelings come out when I’m drunk.

Emily:
ooooooooooooh

Me:
I thought Charlotte was you at the quad 21st

Emily:
what?!
billy (if this is billy) I am happily in a relationship

Me:
I know, I’m so sorry. I thought this was thorny. you were never supposed to know
he’s known since the start

Emily:
noooo i don’t think he did.

Me:
Oh he definitely did. We just agreed to never tell you. It was better that way.

Emily:
this cannot be billy.

Me:
i know
pretend this never happened
for the sake of all our friendships

Emily:
um no
first swear on your grandmother’s grave or something that this is billy.
ok i have been informed by a reliable source that this is billy

Me:
No, I just want to forget this ever happened. You shouldn’t even be on thorny’s account

Emily:
well i couldn’t see his fatbooth photos on my account!
he wanted me to see them
sorry billy

Me:
i wish this had never happened.

Emily:
awww billy how did this happen?

Me:
it was the lipstick

Emily:
i’m sorry what?

Me:
The luscious red lipstick
It just…it did things to me
I was a little drunk that night but, it just made me see you in a completely different light.
The night we watched aladin I felt nothing but…after that. I couldn’t restrain myself.
I told thorny before you two were ever a thing

Emily:
did you?
jesus billy
are you alone?

Me:
are you going to send me pics?

Emily:
i’ll take that as a no
nice prank

Me:
good times for all

Emily:
you had me scared to death!
i’m going to get you back, buddy

Me:
fuck off